I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
