please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
there is puke in my bra ... again
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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