and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
