She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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