Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
