if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
