Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
