sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
we should paint friendship bongs
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
