Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
