The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
