Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Gay?
German.
Pity.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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