No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
