I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
