Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
