Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
