i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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