Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
