My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
