Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
