I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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