Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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