oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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