Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
