I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
