Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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