true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
