I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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