guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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