Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
third nipple confirmed
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
