Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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