OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
