where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I'm not really sure actually. until I fell in love with a boy (which was just a few weeks ago) I thought my attraction to men was purely physical.
so you were gay...and then you realized you were EVEN MORE gay
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
