Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
