Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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