Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
