you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
