We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
