I'm so fucking centered right now
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
we're so committed to being not committed
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
