That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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