So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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