We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
