Pants 0. Shit 1.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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