his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
