just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
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