End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
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