I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
