I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
