I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
