Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Randomize
