I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize
