you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
